I’m in a massive funk right now. Part of it is seasonal. January is a depressing month around here. The snow is just getting started, and the entire month is a reminder of all that sucks about winter. I’m not one of those people who gets excited about winter sports. I know how to ski and skate, I just prefer not to. I don’t like being cold. I don’t like having to wear boots heavy coats and hats and mittens. I don’t like shovelling or scraping the car or driving on ice. Winter makes me grumpy. And right now, with half my Facebook friends getting all worked up about a few inches of snow in the Southern U.S., knowing that a week from now it will all have melted away, whereas we’ll have several feet of snow for the next two months…well, I’m very grumpy about winter right now.
On top of that, the local high school students have final exams coming up at the end of the month, so I’m extremely busy right now with my work as a tutor. Which is, in some ways, fine. I’m not making us rich, by any means, but the extra bit of cash I bring in from tutoring certainly helps with the household expenses. Plus, I love tutoring. I always felt the best part of teaching was making those one-on-one connections with students, helping them make sense of something or understand a difficult concept, or just chatting about their lives. Tutoring is all about those one-on-one connections, so I really, really love it.
I just hate the hours.
Two or three times a week during most of the term, and four or five times a week in January, I have to leave my cozy home on a weekday evening or the middle of a glorious weekend day, put on those hated boots and winter clothes, and go to someone’s house to try to make sense of logarithms or trigonometry or molecular bonds. I love the connection with my students and I love the subject matter. But I can’t stand having to work evenings and weekends. I want to be at home with my family at those times.
When I started tutoring two years ago, I viewed this job as a starting point for getting back into full-time teaching. I thought it would be a short-term job. Now it’s been two years and I’m no closer to a teaching position. Heck, I can’t even get hired as a lunch monitor. It seems to be time to give up on teaching as a career. And if that’s the case, maybe it’s time to quit tutoring.
Except that I still love teaching and no matter how hard I try, I just can’t imagine myself doing any other job. So now what do I do?